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Are you stressed? Or have you been conditioned to believe that you're stressed?

This is something that I think about a lot.

Just because I work in the tech industry, should I always be stressed out? Because I'm not.

Just because I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world, should I always be stressed about money or crime? Because I'm not.

Just because I turned 50, should I be stressed about aging? Because I'm not.

But I'm also not sure if I'm less stressed or, have I just come to better understand stress, and am now better equipped to deal with it? Is that why life doesn't feel so stressful?

I don't need to tell you just how stressed out we are collectively as a society. I mean, some of the most popular Instagram accounts exist purely to make fun of this burnout culture that we live in, because if we don't laugh about it, we'll just cry!

In the tech space, there’ s always been an expectation of over-productivity and producing at a hyper-accelerated pace. But these expectations have bled out beyond the tech and become the cultural norm.

But the reality is that as humans, we're not designed to exist like this, physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, spiritually, in every way that matters – that’s not how we’re designed to live.

So today, I want to have a conversation about stress and its relationship to conditioning.

Let’s start with talking about what conditioning is.

Conditioning is being so deeply influenced that we think, behave, live, operate in ways that aren't in accordance with who we naturally are, and Human Design is all about de-conditioning ourselves from it.

In a nutshell, that’s essentially what Human Design is about. It’s about deconditioning so that we can return to who we naturally are. And in order to do that, we have to become aware of how we're conditioned, so that we know what we’re de-conditioning from.

Sometimes conditioning feels like stress because the tension is so palpable, yet in other ways, we’re completely unaware of how we're conditioned.

I've thought about this a lot - about stress and conditioning, and sometimes I think we interpret it to be the same things, but I think they're different.

I think of stress as the feeling - what we experience - but conditioning is the trigger for it. It's the trigger that causes the feeling or experience to happen.

In looking at your Human Design, we want to look at what areas indicate your vulnerabilities.

Your first entry point to Human Design was likely learning your Type - whether you're a Generator, Projector, Manifesting Generator, Reflector or Manifestor, and then your associated Strategy.

We can certainly garner ways that we've all been conditioned to operate against Type and Strategy, but when we peel back the layers and go deeper, I zero in on the nine energy centers, more specifically, the Undefined or Open energy centers in a person's Human Design chart because those are the areas where you're most vulnerable to conditioning.

So, let’s take a look at some common scenarios to illustrate how conditioning can create stress--and tell me if you relate to any of these:

Scenario 1: Feeling like you have to do it all.

You must be the parent, the partner, the friend, the child, the sibling, the colleague, the neighbor--the perfection, ideal version of all of these roles. Can you relate to this? If so, why do you feel this way? What’s driving that belief?

Now, I'm not a parent, but the Instagram algorithm has fed me plenty of parenting content, even though I’ve repeatedly asked it not to, so I’ve seen all of the ways that parenting is portrayed—the ideal “mom life.”

I also know many parents who measure themselves up to that projected ideal, and it leaves them unworthy because they think they don't live up to it despite their best effort.

I get it. Sometimes, I feel the same way about my Instagram content. I find that the easiest way for me to create Instagram content is face-to-camera video. I have no problem whipping out my phone and putting my face on camera.

But I see plenty of other coaches in my space with beautiful content, filmed in the most gorgeous spaces, using different angles with cool close-ups and transitions, wearing the most tailored outfits with flawless hair and makeup.

And I find myself thinking, I can't do that, so why should I even bother to show up?

But then I pause and ask myself, “Why do I think that I have to show up like them?”

Because if I were to show up in a beautiful studio with curated sets, dressed to the nines it would 100% be inauthentic. And we can all sniff out inauthenticity.

An authentic me would be wearing a Marine Layer V-neck, t-shirt with Vuori joggers. that I kid you not, I wear every single day, and I’d be in my tiny cottage apartment with my puppy girl, Coco Pop. That’s what authentic me looks like.

Yet at times I find myself thinking that what I have and who I am isn’t good enough for Instagram. Why?

I’ve been on video calls where people will comment on how my home looks like West Elm – it doesn’t, and I think they’re either being nice or haven’t actually been in West Elm – but it’s also not a dump.

So, why do I think that it’s not good enough, right? It's because I’ve been influenced and conditioned – we’re all influenced and conditioned thanks to perceived societal expectations.

Scenario 2: Always feeling pressured to say “yes.”

If you can relate to this--always feeling pressured to say “yes,” it likely means that you also struggle to say “no.”

Perhaps you’re afraid of what the other person might think – you don’t want them to think ill of you, what they might feel – you don’t want to hurt their feelings, how they might respond – you don’t want to be yelled at, and you probably don't want to let them down - you don't want to disappoint them.

That, my friend, would make me want to look at your Undefined Head and Root centers, aka the pressure centers.

Whenever I hear someone say, “I feel pressured….” the Head and Root pressure centers are where I look first.

If they’re Undefined, you’re vulnerable to conditioning related to feeling pressured.

Perhaps, you may even be aware that you don't have to say Yes, right?

A few years ago, my work calendar was insane. It was being double, and triple booked for meetings. It felt like I was drowning. I was commiserating with a colleague about it when they said, “Why don’t you just decline the meeting invites?”

I looked at my colleague like they were speaking a foreign language. Decline a meeting invite because I didn’t want to attend?! Could I even do that? I didn’t even know it was an option!

So, I started giving it a try and guess what – now, if there’s no agenda in the invite, I don’t know the context of the meeting, and/or I’m not clear on what my role is, I decline the invite. And now my calendar is much more manageable.

Scenario 3: Career pressures

A few years ago, I was having a career development conversation with my manager at the time (this person is no longer my manager – I have a different one now).

But with this manager at the time, who is also a good friend of mine, asked me the proverbial question in these kinds of conversations, “Where do you see yourself in a year, three years, five years?”

I responded with, “I'm good with where I'm at.”

They looked at me in disbelief, so I elaborated, “I'm good with where I'm at. I like the work that I’m doing, and I'm good.”

And I was then told to never let anyone else hear me say that I’m not interested in advancing my career because then I could end up a casualty in the next round of layoffs.

I never understood this line of thinking. The company can't and they won't give raises or promotions to everyone, so if someone is content with where they are and what they're doing, they’re good at what they do, and they're happy - why penalize them?

Why penalize them for not wanting more when we know that it’s not going to happen, right? I've managed my expectations and I’m good with how things are.

The next step for me would be something like management and I don't have any desire, whatsoever, to be in middle management. I don’t care if you have a VP, SVP, EVP title, unless you're the CEO, your middle management, and who wants to be in middle management?

Besides, at this point in my life and in my career, what matters most to me is that I like and respect the people that I work with, and that the work that I do is meaningful, and something that I enjoy. I don’t want to dread coming to work every day. It's not a lot to ask for. And this is where I am now in my career, and I'm perfectly fine with it.

Gosh, saying this out loud – it’s truly my Undefined Heart talking. I don’t have the will or the competitive energy to get ahead. Honestly, it never has been, so why did I sometimes buy into the hustle mentality or thought that I had to play corporate politics to climb the corporate ladder? You guessed it – conditioning.

Can you relate to any of these scenarios? How about this one?

There was a time when I believed that I always had to be doing something, and if I wasn’t, I was lazy. I always had to be working on a project - whether work-related or a personal project like my blog – as long as I was busy doing something.

But now that I know I’m a Projector, I’ve come to understand that rest is equally important as the things I do.

It reminds me of the time when I was training for marathons. I had a hard time accepting and embracing rest. I had the mentality that I had to work out every day to stay in shape and I was deathly afraid of skipping a day because I didn’t want to “lose my fitness.”

But my running coach would always say “You’re doing too much; you need a rest day.” and I slowly learned that rest is training too.

This is de-conditioning for Projectors – “rest is training too.”

And learning, accepting, and practicing this is all part of the deconditioning process for Projectors.

If the whole point of Human Design is to decondition, and if conditioning is a trigger for stress, how do we decondition?

Start with self-observation, always with non-judgement because if you're unaware that you're conditioned and that it triggers and invokes stress in your life, then how are you going to know that it's a problem to be addressed, right?

So, start with self-observation so you can recognize when you're stressed and what triggers it? What’s the source of that stress?

Then, ask yourself, “Is this stress my or have I been conditioned by external influences?

You have to know your Human Design, so that you understand which energy centers in your design are Open/Undefined and then see how you process the energy of those centers and how you’re conditioned.

Here's a few examples of what I mean.

If you have an Undefined Sacral Center, so I'm speaking to Projectors, Reflectors and Manifestors, observe your attitudes about rest, your relationship to rest, and then give yourself permission to rest – remember – “rest is training too.” Reframe how you think about reset and welcome rest into your everyday life.

If you have an Undefined Head Center, observe and notice when you feel mental pressure. Then, ask yourself, “What is driving this? Why do I feel so pressured by this? What’s triggering this? Is it coming from within me or from external influences?”

Conditioning is the trigger for stress.

Once you recognize the conditioning, you can work on deconditioning yourself as it relates to that stress.

And then, thirdly, if you have an Undefined G-Center. The G-Center is the center of identity, life direction, the center of self, and love. Imagine all the conditioning that can happen around this Undefined center.

Going back to that career development conversation I had with my manager, when I was asked, “Where do you see yourself in a year, three years, five years, 10 years? I've never been able to answer that question.

Every single time I’ve been asked that question, I gave an expected answer – what I thought they expected me to say because I have no idea. I have no idea where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing. Even though I’ve been at my current job and lived in my current home for 17 years, I honestly can’t tell you where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing in a year from now.

So, reframe you thinking with regard to your Open/Undefined Centers and then adopt practices like self-observation with non-judgement, journaling, boundary-setting – allowing yourself to say no – all these things will help you become mindful of how you’ve been conditioned and that alone is a huge step in your deconditioning process.

Deconditioning doesn’t happen overnight. I can't give you a 5-step plan. We're all different and our deconditioning processes will be unique to each of us.

One thing that I have found immensely helpful is being aware of the environments that you place yourself. The people, places and things that you surround yourself in are critical to your ability to align yourself with your design, making it critical to your deconditioning experiences.

I don’t just mean your physical environment. Where do you spend your time, and who do you spend your time with? This includes your online time.

Social media is a huge source of conditioning. Remember how I talked about how Instagram has conditioned me?

Who we allow in our spaces may not be physically with us, but they’re still with us, and we’re exposed to the things we see them do and what we hear them say.

So, where are you spending your online time? Who are you spending it with? What accounts are you following? Do they align with your energy? Do you allow them to influence you? And how are they influencing you? Can you recognize any conditioning?

Maybe you don't want to unfollow them – I certainly hope you’re not hate-following because hate-following serves no one. So, how can you simply take in without absorbing? Is it possible?

The point I’m trying to make is don’t underestimate the role your environment plays in conditioning and how crucial it is to your deconditioning process.

What are the things that you allow to enter your immediate space? And how does it align to your daily rhythm and how your natural energy flows?

In the last episode, Episode 305 we talked about aligning to your Human Design clock – it's a huge part of your deconditioning process.

For example, for Projectors, since rest is training too, then do I have a space in which I can rest?

Now, I work from home, so, yes, I can walk into my bedroom and take a power nap, but if you work in an office, how can you create a space where you can take pockets of rest, away from the hustle, heavy environments?

So, in summary, recognize, release and reframe the stressors in your life. Identify the triggers, remembering that conditioning are triggers.

I always like to leave you with a little challenge at the end of each episode, so this week, I’d like to invite you to practice self-observation, identify and then reflect on one thing or one area of your life that’s stressful, but you recognize that the stress is externally imposed, coming from an outside source.

Then, what’s one thing that you can do to decondition yourself from it?

Maybe if you have a hard time saying no, it’s declining a meeting invite. If you're not clear on what the purpose of the meeting is, or what your role in the meeting is expected to be, or if there's no clear agenda, and it doesn’t feel aligned, decline the meeting invite. I give you permission to do so.

We all experience stress and we've all been conditioned in some way or another, so, reflect on how it appears in your life.

If you would like to continue the conversation, I'd love to hear from you. Leave a comment on the show notes for this episode at www.livefablife.com/306 for Episode 306, you can also find me on Instagram at @livefablifewithnaomi.

If you want to take a deep dive into your energy centers, check out my program, “Energy management and the Nine Centers.” I do want to give you a heads up, and this is the first time I'm sharing this with anyone, I’ll be doing a refresh on my offerings. They’re not going away but may be repackaged, so they may not be in the form that they're available as now.

So, if you’ve been interested in taking any of my programs, I recommend doing so now because in the next couple of months, I’ll be making some changes that I ultimately think will be in the best interest for you and for me as well – my goal is simplicity!

Thank you so much for your time, energy and attention. I’ll see you right back here again next time. Bye for now.