Episode 245: On Releasing the "Should’s" and "Have To’s"
I used to get so caught up in the debate of goals vs. resolutions vs. intentions. These days I’ve come to realize that they were rooted in the “shoulds” - what I “thought” I should be doing, aka what society expects and everyone else was doing (which, if you really think about it, is just all of us enabling each other when it's very possible none of us wants to be doing “those things” at all).
In this episode, I throw out questions to ask yourself when setting goals in an exercise of self-observation with judgment to peel back the layers and see if it's something you truly want for yourself - and why.
I also share a few of my goals for the new year (which I think are very doable!).
Because what it comes down to is how well we know ourselves, how much we're willing to accept ourselves and understand how we're influenced. And Human Design illuminates these things for us in a very deep and aligned way.
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“What it comes down to is how well we know ourselves, and how much we’re willing to accept ourselves and understand how we’re influenced. And Human Design illuminates these things for us in a very deep and aligned way. ”
Read the Transcript:
Hello there, my friend!
After 14 weeks of taking a break from the show, I’m back and happy to be here with you. Happy New Year!
Thank you to the many who have reached out to check in – that was so nice of you!
I spent the past 14 weeks honestly resting - resting my body and resting my brain. It takes a lot of mental energy to bring you a weekly podcast, and I needed to take a step back and think about if I wanted to continue the show, which was a yes, and then to think about fresh things to talk about.
I don’t like to force topics; I want them to come to me, so over the past 14 weeks, I sat back and just went about living my life and let different ideas and thoughts come to mind that I've jotted down and I'm excited about what I have planned for the next few months.
But today, I want to talk about the new year and what it brings. It’s a magical time of year, but it can also be a heavy time of year.
With the season comes the conversation of, “Well, what are my New Year's goals? What resolutions am I setting? What are my intentions for this year?”
I used to get so caught up in this that I got into debates about the differences between goals, resolutions, and intentions. I've probably even done an episode or few on that.
But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter; it’s just semantics. It’s all about - what we want for ourselves.
My approach to this has shifted because
I don't limit myself to setting goals, resolutions, or intentions only at the New Year. I do it whenever I feel prompted to. I’m not the only one who feels this way. In hindsight, the New Year's goals that I would set were always rooted in the “should’s” - What “should” I be doing? What does society expect or tell me that I “should” be doing? What is everyone else doing?
If you think about it, we’re all just enabling each other when it’s possible that none of us wanted to be doing “that thing” in the first place.
So, while I've shifted my mindset around this, I want to discuss it.
A common goal at the New Year is to “get healthy,” which many people also associate with “lose weight.” These are not the same things. I have always tried to differentiate this - losing weight doesn't mean healthy and healthy doesn't mean losing weight. These are two very different conversations.
But in the new year, it’s all that we see, right? On the morning talk shows, ads, and sponsored posts – we’re inundated with content on “getting healthy” and “losing weight” – as if they’re synonymous with each other.
Now, if you want to do those things for yourself, who am I to judge you? It irritates me when people make others feel bad for things they want for themselves. You do you.
I'm not here to make anyone feel bad about themselves; if I’ve done this in the past, I apologize and know that it’s never been my intention. I've always tried to be careful about my language to avoid doing that.
But we also don’t control how others feel, right? Someone will inevitably be hurt by something that someone says. But sometimes those hurt feelings have nothing to do with the person speaking; rather, it’s more about where the hurt person is at the moment.
So, there's that, but there's also the way messages are delivered. Sometimes well-intentioned, well-meaning messages are delivered in a way that’s dismissive, condescending, or even mocking. This is what I addressed back in Episode 214 when I talked about struggling with the tone of my message and how I communicate.
This was a little bit of a tangent, but I want to make the point that whatever your goal is for yourself, that's for you to decide and for you to own. No one gets to judge that. Your goals are personal; your “why” is personal to you.
But what I’d like to suggest is, as you go through goal-setting exercises, whether it be the new year or in April, or in July, whenever make self-observation with non-judgment part of that process.
Ask yourself:
Why am I setting this goal? Why is this important to me? What is my intention behind doing this? What do I think reaching this goal will bring me? Do I want to do all the necessary things to get me to reach my goal? Will it be a fun journey? Will it make me happy along the way? Will it be worth it? Will I be happy once I reach that goal? Or am I setting this goal because it's what everyone else is doing or because it's what society tells me I should want for myself? Is it because I'm seeing media and Instagram ads telling me what I “should” be doing in the new year? In other words, is it worth it?
What would it feel like to release yourself from that expectation if you're doing something because it's expected of you, especially this time of year? And what would you rather be doing instead?
Another suggestion I’d like to make is to think about how you go about your journey to reach whatever goal you set for yourself.
Your journey doesn’t have to look the same as others – the “experts,” the Instagram influencers; I’ll almost guarantee it won’t.
I referenced Instagram because my Instagram feed was filled with promoted posts and sponsored ads by experts and influencers selling their thing.
In my case, many of the ads I saw were targeted at entrepreneurs – business owners. Most of the strategies being sold were rooted in Manifestor, Generator, and Manifesting Generator energy – meaning strategies around initiation and responding.
The problem with this is that initiation is a strategy only meant for Manifestors. And responding is a strategy only meant for Generators and Manifesting Generators.
Those services and strategies being promoted in my feed won’t work for me as a Projector whose strategy is to wait to be invited.
So, if I were to click on those ads and promoted posts and sign up for those offerings, they would likely not work for me.
I may have the same goal, as all business owners do, of growing our businesses; what was being sold to me isn’t the way for me to grow my business. The journey we take to reach our goals will never look the same as another.
I had real-life friends who are Generators, Manifesting Generators, and Manifestors tell me that I wasn’t doing things the way they were “supposed” to be done. I wasn’t doing social media right; I wasn’t pitching myself enough that these are the best practices, the proven ways of growing audiences and businesses.
And you know what? They’re right – they are the best practices – for Generators, Manifesting Generators, and Manifestors – not for me, a Projector. My strategy is different; my aura is different – I wait for invitations. That’s the best use of my energy.
So, as you go into this new year, and by the way, yes, I believe the end of January is still the new year, I invite you to think about – truly, think about what it is that you want - not what you think you “should” want.
And once you know what you truly want, go about getting in a way that feels good and authentic to you, and not how the world tells you “should” go about doing it.
If I followed the trend, I’d have been back from hiatus with a new episode on January 3rd – the first Tuesday of the new year.
But that would have meant that I had to start working on new episodes in mid-December, and I wasn't ready to do that yet. It was the middle of the holiday season, and I wanted to sit back and enjoy it.
I had a lot of things going on personally that trying to add to producing new episodes to my to-do list would’ve been draining for me. It would’ve been too much, so I didn’t do it.
And I don’t feel an ounce of guilt about it. How’s that for personal growth?
I also don’t feel a shred of regret for taking a 14-week hiatus from the show. I used to be disappointed thinking that with a five-year-old weekly show, I should be well past Episode 300 by now, but in the grand scheme of things – who cares?
I purposefully don’t have sponsors, so I don’t have that kind of responsibility to anyone, and I have loyal listeners. So I’m following my timing and honoring my energy for what I can offer right now.
And my goal for this year is to continue to do that. To continue to honor my energy and make space for rest, to align to my Human Design – my strategy and authority, and dive even deeper into the nuances of it, to really embody it.
I’m fully aware that for months I teased that Projector-focused offerings were coming. Well, a little glimpse into my behind-the-scenes:
The thing is, I have a ton of ideas. Ideas are never in short supply around here. But every time I started to put pen to paper, the outcome wasn’t quite what I wanted. It felt like I was just missing the mark – another reason I wanted to take a break. During this 14-week hiatus, I finally had the space to focus. I did some branding exercises centered around self-reflection, and suddenly clarity started to come.
Stepping back and taking a break gave me the mental space to think about “what is it that people need to hear from me?”
The creative break allowed me to quiet things down, which then allowed me to tune more closely into my Splenic Authority. That quiet voice that may only speak once, that if I’m not paying attention, I may miss it and never hear it again.
One takeaway I realized is that I'm not someone who only shares the “what”, who only tells you “What” something is, who tells you “what” Human Design is, who tells you “what” being a Projector is.
I can’t stop there. I'm also someone that tells you the “why” - “why” are you a Projector.
And in hindsight, I realized that this is something I’ve always done my whole life, and it’s something I've been doing for the entirety of the show.
Like in Episode 223 on The Versatility of Projectors, I didn’t just talk about what a Projector is but also what makes someone a Projector, breaking down the Human Design body graph chart.
I've heard other people in the Human Design space feel almost apologetic about getting into this “nerdy part” of Human Design, but you know what? I like the nerdy parts. I need the nerdy parts – it energizes me.
And I've come to realize that this is how I am different. This is one way I’m different from others in the Human Design space – I don’t just share the “what”; I also share the “why.”
And, by giving myself mental space, I could also, finally, see how I can bring all of my areas of expertise – as a health coach, as a Functional Nutrition health coach, as a 20-year professional, as a project manager in the tech world, as a Human Design guide and coach – how I can bring all of this experience and expertise together in a unique way.
So, spoiler alert, I’ve outlined a bunch of workshops, maybe like seven or eight, that I’m really excited to create and bring to you. And I’m well into working on the first tone.
But I'm not going to commit to a specific date of when it'll be ready because, as I said, my goal is to honor my energy of how much I must give on any given day to my work.
So, while I promise it’s coming, I can’t tell you when but will let you know when it’s ready.
Before I close, I know I’ll inevitably be asked what other goals I’ve set this year; let me share them with you.
One is to continue flossing daily. I set flossing as a goal for myself a while ago, and I can now proudly say that I have flossed for 469 consecutive days.
Oh, and if you’re thinking, “Is she counting the number of days that she’s flossing?” the answer is yes – Yes, I am using an app called “Don’t Break the Chain.” I'll link to the app in the show notes for this episode at www.livefablife.com/ 245, but essentially, it's a habit tracker app.
While it’s meant to help with accountability, I also just use it to keep track of my life – things like - the last time I watered my plants, the last time I took my medication, the last time I swept and mop my floors, the last time I put gas in my car, you get the idea.
I do use it to track daily habits as well. One day I may be like, “Why does my body feel so stiff?” Well, I'll open the app and see that I haven’t done yoga in about a week, so no wonder I’m feeling stiff, and perhaps I should do some yoga today.
Other goals for myself are:
To limit me to ordering Door Dash only once a week. If you're not familiar with Door Dash, it’s a food delivery or takeout delivery service. I go through periods of being really Door Dash happy because all I have to do is to pull up the app on my phone, think about what I want to eat, and place an order for it, and it's at my door within 30 minutes - usually sooner. And by the way, I've never used Door Dash until the pandemic began, and now, I would call myself a frequent customer. But then I balance my checkbook, and I'm like, “Whoa, I can't believe I just spent this much on Door Dash over the past two weeks.”
So yeah, a New Year's goal I set for myself is to only order Door Dash once a week, and we'll see how much money I save by doing that, which leads to another goal of balancing my checkbook more often because I’d really like to do a better job of tracking my finances and being a little bit more efficient with it.
And then lastly, I'm proud of myself for this one, my goal is NOT to buy a paper planner. I love paper planners, but if I'm being honest, I’m so digital right now that while I love the idea of a paper planner, I never ever end up using them, and then I throw them away. So, not this year's Instagram ads! I didn’t fall for you this year, and I didn’t get a paper planner.
But yeah, that's it. These are the New Year's goals that I set for myself. Nothing too huge, but doable.
It comes down to how well we know ourselves, how much we're willing to accept ourselves, and understanding how we're influenced. And Human Design illuminates these things for us in a very deep and aligned way.
If you don’t know anything about your Human Design but want to learn about it, I have a workbook on my website that you can download for free. It’ll tell you where to find your Human Design chart and will also walk you through how to interpret what it means. It’s a workbook, so there are exercises and space for you to jot down notes.
And if you’re already familiar with your Human Design and want to dig more into it, I invite you to schedule a reading with me. I offer three different levels of readings, and you get to choose which level to book based on what parts of your design you want to dive into - because there's so much to know and then to learn how to embody and integrate it into your everyday life.
So that's it, it’s wrap on our first show of the year. I always say that February is the new January, so Happy New Year. I'm so excited to be back with you, and I can't wait to see you right back here next time. Bye for now.
Naomi Nakamura is a Health x Human Design coach who’s creating a healthier society through aligned energy.
She blends a bespoke mix of Functional Nutrition and Human Design to help others shift into alignment to leverage and correctly manage their energy to support their body, mind, and spirit.
She believes that when we embrace our authenticity and lean into our bio-individuality, we naturally live a life of freedom, empowerment, and optimal health.
Naomi resides in the San Francisco Bay Area and can often be found exploring the area with her puppy girl, Coco Pop!
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